"You look terrible. You can't do that. Have you put on weight? When someone speaks to you in this way, you may feel uncomfortable, treated unfairly, and may not know what to say or how to deal with the situation. Are you the person that makes yourself small or the ticking time bomb that is just waiting for such talk to explode?
How would you react in such a situation? Maybe in a way that makes the other person feel bad. Or maybe so that your opponent has achieved his goal of upsetting you? Either way, you will definitely not feel better.
Check out these 5 anti-drama statements to harshness, blame, and criticism. Take the wind out of your conversation partner's sails and present yourself as a sovereign and self-confident person.
Now imagine someone saying things to you that triggers something in you that makes you feel uncomfortable and feeling bad. Instead of falling into drama, try the following 5 anti-drama sentences now:
"Thank you for sharing this with me and for your feedback."
Sometimes people say things that they know may not mean any harm. Still, we don't feel comfortable with their statement.
With this first answer, you respectfully inform your counterpart that it is ok to have an opinion and also make it clear to him that you do not accept his invitation to drama.
If you react friendly to vulgarities or sharp criticism with this answer, you cause a surprise with your interlocutor, and you break a pattern with him because he is used to or expected another reaction from you.
"I didn't quite understand, could you please repeat?
Slowly and clearly?"
This is a quick-witted counter-question. Especially the after-sentence, "Slowly and Clearly" has its special effect. In the vast majority of cases, your counterpart will not repeat his utterance, because here to the surprise effect will take hold, and he will realize your sovereignty and self-confidence.
Hard, destructive criticism and vulgarities come from insecure people with low self-esteem.
Always try to understand the person who criticizes you or even insults you. Maybe he has a bad day, physical or mental pain, or has become a victim of insults himself.
With respectful and friendly answers to every hard and mean statement, you have the opportunity and the possibility to end your own drama and that of your interlocutor.
You responded friendly and respectful to the criticism. However, your interviewer cannot be dissuaded from his course, and you consider whether he might not be an unteachable idiot after all? Not too hasty. Be patient and answer that:
"Are you trying to make me feel bad right now?"
Usually, the answer of your counterpart is then a stammer like: "No, I just wanted to tell you...blah-blah" and claims he meant it only well.
But if your interviewer answers your question with yes and tells you how much he hates you and thinks you're stupid, then he's firstly probably an idiot and secondly, you tell him, still sovereign.
"You can believe whatever you want, I'll leave it up to you"
Watch his reaction for a few seconds and then add one more:
"Did you know that mean and unfriendly people reflect all their grief and frustration about themselves on others, just like you do?
If you continue to criticize me and be mean to all these people, you show everyone how dissatisfied you are with yourself".
Smile, carry on, confident, and sovereign.
If someone is projecting his anger, curtness, and blame on you, it's his way at that very moment of expressing his suffering. We might don't know the person's story, why he is suffering. We don't have to. Furthermore, we do not have to play one’s therapist.
All we need is to understand the person's situation, know that our self-worth is not determined by what other people say, believe, or do, and move on. When we are able to not take it personally, we are not hooked by what others say and do not feel offended.
And please, this is not to be confused with allowing ourselves to be hurt, neglected or exploited. The great challenge of our world is to live a happy life regardless of what other people do, say, think, or believe.
Though it may take a lifetime of practice, the subtle and fine art of not being offended is one of the many skills for living a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
Again summarized for you the 5 anti-drama answers for not being offended
"Thank you for sharing this with me and for your feedback."
"I didn't quite understand, could you please repeat? Slowly and clearly?"
"Are you trying to make me feel bad?"
"You can believe what you want, I'll leave it up to you"
"Did you know that mean and unfriendly people reflect all their grief and frustration about themselves on others, just like you do? If you continue to criticize me and be mean to all these people, you show everyone how dissatisfied you are with yourself".
Namaste and lots of love,
Philipp